Thursday, March 29, 2007

Eat My Bomb has lame reviews.

I have been playing Rappelz MMO for about a month now and am having fun with it. Then I read a post on a blog site Eat My Bomb that is supposed to bash Rappelz. It was a funny read for about the first line then I got real bored waiting to find the bashing and good comments.

The reviewer, Tritone, has obviously not played many MMORPGs because his points are weak and ridiculous at best. My first point about Rappelz is that its a Lineage II clone. Keep that in mind.

"CLICHE 1: Where am I hiding my armor?
Ok. RAPPELZ drops you naked into the world. Given the fact that all female avatars are men in real life, this is understandable, if creepy. But, open up the inventory screen and it turns out the character is somehow carrying a full set of armor and a number of starter weapons. Where? If I’m naked, where the hell am I storing all this crap?"

Almost every other MMO I have ever played has started a character with SOMETHING in the it's inventory. Be it a sword, club, axe, shield, armor, food etc. So to make a stink about starting off naked with all your gear in some mystical +1 Anal Cavity of Holding is a moot point. They're all like that.

" CLICHE 2: Information dude
Hey look, there’s a character with a giant floating question mark over his head. And yes, he WANTS to give me some information, but I’m not worthy."

This is just friggin stupid. World of Warcraft (as are many others if not all) is the exact same way so you can't focus this solely on Rappelz.

"CLICHE 3: Noob Kill Quests
Why must I kill a) a bunch of cute, innocent critters and/or b) a bunch of indigenous wildlife? What kind of fucking bizarre environmental policy does this country have that newly arrived immigrants are encouraged to decimate local wildlife populations?

Which brings me to another cliche…the Loot Drop That Makes No Sense. Why did that spider just drop the equivalent of a microwave oven and a gold-nibbed fountain pen? Why did that cute puppy I just killed leave behind a pile of gold coins? What was it saving money for? Generally speaking, I would think any animal you were attacking would leave behind a giant pile of fear-induced feces. BTW, the coin of the realm in RAPPELZ is the “rupee.” Creative. Very, very creative.

So, I kill those goddamn innocent native puppies, trying to forget their wails of pain and their curious, confused expressions, and I go back to Information Dude with proud, bloodied hands. Oh no, he says, though I have done well, I need to see this OTHER information dude, 20 yards down the path. Well, excuse me, but why don’t you just fucking wave the guy over here? He’s only 20 yards away!

So I head down the path, so pissed off now that I take a swipe at just about anything that moves. I get to the next dude, and he says, you did well and suddenly–I level up. He says I may yet become a hero. What kind of sad little place is this, where simply bring ambulatory makes you heroic?"

This is where he REALLY goes off the deep end. This is, in its purity, the CORE of all MMOs. You are sent on quests to do/kill things (that really don't care because they are, basically, binary code sections read by the compiler and redisplayed as little puppies...grow up man) to earn money/experience/rewards/drops.

"CLICHE 4: Special Olympics Quests
These are those quests that acquaint you with the world and allow you to level up quickly, but in truth they just make you feel feeble. Hey, you walked down the road! Good boy! (bing! level up)…take this note to my sister over there…Way to go, buddy! (bing! level up)….Look in your inventory bag…hey, that’s the way, champ! (bing! level up)""

Actually, I couldn't agree more on this point.

In conclusion, I really don't think that Tritone should be posting reviews (good or bad) unless he covers real facts that are different from other games...that suck.

Eat My Bomb's origianl review

2 comments:

Brixtone said...

Hey c'mon now, turn on the humor radar Aaron. Tritone's review was clearly a lighthearted piece and very heavy on sarcasm. Maybe you should look around the site a little more before making the blanket statement of "Eat My Bomb has lame reviews". If you'd like to discuss, we'd love to have you as a guest on our podcast!

Anonymous said...

The author of the original article clearly HAS played a lot of RPGs and clearly HAS acknowledged that "all the other RPGs are exactly the same" (the entire basis of your rebuttal).

In fact, that's the whole point of his argument - the game is EXACTLY THE SAME as everything else. The word "cliche" in this sense has been used to illustrate that such features are overused tat.

Perhaps you should have looked it up if you didn't understand it.